It’s that time of year again. Spring is in the air and the wedding invites are in the mailbox. And, I don’t know about you, but my friends are dropping like flies.
All this wedding mania has made me think though: how does getting married affect your personal brand.
Right now, there are a lot of young women out there who are building blogs, forging relationships worldwide, establishing ourselves as experts and getting name recognition. We’re putting hundreds of hours of effort to make sure that people all over the internet know who we are. We’re personal-branding like crazy!
So, I want to know, what happens when we get married?
For hundreds of years, women have taken the last names of our husbands. It’s originally how we were “branded” as a part of the family. It’s only in the last decades that women have strayed away from this tradition… and it’s usually seen as a more radical feminist statement.
When I was younger, I was definitely not one of those women who wanted to make a statement by keeping my maiden name! I ‘may’ even have practiced my signature with my current crush’s last name… just in case I ever needed to use it. (Which, if anyone ever confronts me about, I will deny to my dying breath.) I was convinced it would be utterly romantic to have the same last name as my husband.
Now, I’m not so sure. Not because I want to defy outdated marriage traditions, burn my bra, or prove my independence. Those factors are all irrelevant to me.
I’m very seriously thinking that I will keep my maiden name throughout life for one reason: it’s my personal brand!
The issues with “I do”
There are tons of issues that we personal-branding women have to be aware of when we’re considering taking the last name of our future husband.
First of all, how much effort have we already put into our maiden name? I’ve already spent 4 years getting my name out there and I don’t want to throw that away. (That’s a lot of lost sleep!)
If I changed my name, how much recognition would I lose? Would people get confused when they follow a link from one of my articles and come across a “different” person?
How many social media sites would I have to go to in order to change my old name to my new one? (It’s a LOT more difficult today than just the driver’s license, bank account and passport.)
And, I know many of you personal branding aficionados will be horrified at this thought too: What if the vanity url and essential screennames were already taken?????
With this name I thee wed?
This is a big deal, because one of the first steps of personal branding is securing your vanity url. If you own yourname.com, you get a head start on being THE most visible person with your name. (Which could be big if you have a common name.)
So, for women hoping to take their future husband’s last name, it would be smart to snatch that url up as soon as possible. But what’s the protocol for that? Do you wait until you get the ring? But what if someone else snatches it up before you?
On the other hand, if you’re the proactive sort, there could be opposite problems. The relationship could go sour and you could be left owning a vanity url that you’ll never need – and worse yet, one that reminds you of your heartbreak. (You could even end up with more than one!)
And, what if you buy the url early in the relationship and your significant other finds out? Many guys are skittish enough about settling down. How do you think they’d react to learning that you’re trying to assure your future personal brand-ability by buying yourmarriedname.com after a great first date?
There are other issues too: what if your future husband has such a common name that 400 other women ended up having the same name as you do? (Due to Murphy’s Law, at least one of them is guaranteed to be a swimsuit model or porn star, by the way.) You could struggle for years to get your name close to the top of the search engines – and still fail.
What if your husband’s name is something complicated like Csíkszentmihályi? No one will EVER be able to find you online! (Or introduce you properly at a conference.) As compensation though, you’ll probably have no trouble getting the vanity url.
If you’re doing personal branding, taking your husband’s last name is no longer the simple decision it used to be. And keeping your name is no longer a feminist statement. It’s now about your personal brand – how much you’ve already invested, how much you’re willing to redo, and where you want to go in the future.
Author:
Katie Konrath writes about “ideas so fresh… they should be slapped” at getFreshMinds.com, a top innovation blog.
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You are so right; changing your name brings up so many more issues than it used to. Similarly, women who have changed their name and then get divorced face the same issue.
To add to the divorce dilemma: do you keep the same last name as your children, to maintain the sense of family for their sake? Or if you remarry, what if you’ve already built the brand (i.e. the Brie/Orson dilemma in Desperate Housewives) with your former husband’s name?
Excellent point! I’m an old lady by now, but even 30 years ago, I had no interest in losing my hard-won brand to marriage. In a world where women are expected to produce financially just as much as men, changing your identity is just plain dumb.
I don’t think that a name change is insurmountable — just as you might want to change your brand and move in a different direction, there are times when it’s worth your while to make some changes to your brand.
That said, I think more women will move towards keeping their maiden names if they’ve got a heavy online presence — why should we have to make a major change while men don’t?
I believe in the traditional aspect of adopting a married surname. But what about the option of partial adoption? Is it disrespectful to change it in some ways but to leave your maiden name online? It just seems like a hassle to have to reintroduce yourself, but I don’t doubt that it can’t be done!
I’m unmarried, but friends who’ve gone through this have usually handled it one of two ways:
1) Legally changing their name but continuing to go by the old name; not even changing work email, for example.
2) Legally changing their last name and start out going by both names (no hyphen), and then eventually, in a year or two, switching fully to the new name.
It’s definitely an issue I’ve thought about for myself, though, and I’m not sure how I’d handle it. I like the idea of taking my husband’s name but it could definitely be confusing for my personal brand. Seems like something to keep in mind, but ultimately a bridge I’ll have to cross when I get there!
Repeat business for my wife! This is funny…and serious. My wife (Julie Sandusky) does custom products for weddings and events through her company, Js Design. A typical client getting married is older and both career minded which means bride and groom are/have made a name for themselves as individuals. I see a change in naming rights (LOL) more now than just a few years ago. What’s more, Julie just got a call from a past client for an “on brand” divorce announcement including name change to her large network.
Yes, men do not have to deal with this. However, changing a brand name is not the end of the world. Loyal fans will continue to follow as they do for corporate brands that merge (LOL again).
That is a good point you raised here today Katie.In its simpliest form I do think it is based on what individual value most. Every thing of value demands sacrifices. Nothing comes on the platter of gold. But my concern though is the rate at which marriages crash today, I thunk if after all the scarifices something now happens, the effort may not worth it. This therefore become an issue with any woman who had done a great job at her personal brand to look carefully before leaping. How will someone make such a great sacrifice and then end up in a suit file for divorce- that is the real issue.
Let every woman who had invested much energy in building personal brand ensures that the sacrifice of changing name will worth the investment.
In conclusion, changing name my be a gradual process based on agreement between the spouse where both agree on the process until final dsengagment of the maiden name. I guess at that level the brand community can still remain loyal.
Such a good point and one for young woman to consider. Years ago when I got married I decided to change my middle name to my maiden name. This allowed me to take my husband’s name without sacrificing my identity or his ego. However, don’t forget the high divorce rate and the future of a really long signature if you remarry. With future trends in social media, branding and today’s young men…. I would keep my maiden name.
I really enjoyed your post. I think this is the type of thing that many men would role their eyes at but it’s an important issue for those of us who care about our personal brands. I am pretty certain that when I get married I will keep my maiden name for business purposes. Close friends and family can call me Mrs. X.
[...] Personal Branding Adds New Angst to Getting Married Personal Branding Blog “If I changed my name, how much recognition would I lose? Would people get confused when they follow a link from one of my articles and come across a “different” person? How many social media sites would I have to go to in order to change my old name to my new one? (It’s a LOT more difficult today than just the driver’s license, bank account and passport.)” [...]