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  • Don’t Name, Blame and Shame … It’s Not Helpful

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    536143522_607b86c774We all have the tendency to blame.

    It’s human nature.

    However, it’s also not productive.

    Name, Blame and Shame

    You may have heard of this before and you may even be guilty of doing it. I know I am. I’m not proud of it either. I hope my experiences and suggestions below can help you. Perhaps the next time you feel the urge to Name, Blame and Shame you’ll be able to use these ideas to re-direct your energies into something more productive.

    But, I want to VENT!

    This is not an uncommon emotional response. Emotions are good. They are part of being human. And, by no means am I suggesting that the emotions be removed from your business and personal relationships. It’s part of what makes us human. However, there may be a better way.

    What Else Can You Do?

    Here are a few ideas

    • Seek first to understand – This is the 5th habit of Dr. Stephen Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Peopleand can be quite helpful. The second part of the 5th habit is “then to be understood” which is where most people start. They want to get their points across and sometimes not be willing to hear or even consider the other side.
    • Think SBO – Where SBO means Step Back Optimism. It’s something I came up with years ago. The idea and the intent is that when things seem to be at their darkest moment or seems to be going completely sideways … take a step back and view the situation in an optimistic light. It’s not always easy, but I have found it to be quite enlightening when I take on a bigger picture view.
    • Take a deep breath – This is an oldie and still a goodie. As your mother, teacher, manager or significant other may have told you. Taking a deep and cleansing breath can truly help you flush away some of the bad air surrounding you and inside of you.

    These aren’t just platitudes

    It should come as no surprise that everybody’s situation is different. By taking a few moments and realizing that your situation, your experiences, your worldview is in fact different than others.

    Whether you just take a breath, take a literal or figurative step back and/or seek to understand you will be able to look at the situation differently and be able to have a perspective you may not have had just one breath ago.

    Define, Destroy or Strengthen
    When something happens we have three choices.

    We can let it Define, Destroy or Strengthen us. You get to decide. YOU GET TO DECIDE!

    Next time …

    Instead of letting someone get under your skin and cause you to lash out with Naming, Blaming and Shaming … first take a moment to Seek Understanding, Step Back or Take a Deep Breath. Perhaps all three.

    You’ll likely feel better and you’ll be able to look at the situation in a new light.

    Try it. What have you got to lose? To my mind… the only think you’ve got to lose is the desire the name, blame and shame. While taking the situation on in a productive manner … warts and all.

    What do you do instead of naming, blaming and shaming?

    What tips have can you share for helping people cope with difficult situations? Add a comment here and let us know. Perhaps we can all learn a few things from you … the reader. Thanks in advance for taking a few minutes to share your thoughts.

    Jeff is an expert in the Enterprise Content Management industry. He brings over 20 years of Channel Sales, Partner Marketing and Alliance expertise to audiences around the world in speaking engagements and via his writing. He has worked for Microsoft, Kodak, and K2. He is currently consulting with Microsoft and partners to drive Community Engagement and Alliances. Follow him on Twitter @jshuey or on LinkedIn: in/JeffShuey

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